Wednesday, May 20, 2009

For Jason

In English, I had to write a composition on someone who has helped me in my life. I wrote mine about Jason. Not sure if he remembers this day though..I didn't until I had to write this.


Write about an event that changed your life. As I was sitting in English 10, reading that question, my parents’ divorce popped into my head. I turned to my friend Alyssa and told her. We talked a bit about it and then I started writing. But before I could even finish one sentence, I heard some of the other girls talking.

“I’m so happy my parents are still together.”

“Yeah mine are too. We’re lucky. I wouldn’t be able to live without both my parents.”

“Mhm. And if my dad was an alcoholic? I would be so embarrassed.”

I could feel my eyes begin to burn as the tears started coming.

“Sam, are you okay?” said Alyssa. She was looking at me as she put her hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah…I’m fine. I’ll be alright.” I lied, voice cracking. I couldn’t take it anymore and I left the class. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. I went down the stairs and outside. Thankfully it was a nice day. I sat down for a bit, trying to compose myself. Those girls’ words kept playing over and over again in my head. I wanted to talk to someone, but didn’t know who. Then Jason came to mind. I went back inside and called him. He answered right away.


“Hey,” I said. “It’s Sam.”

“Oh hey! How’s it going?”

“Not too good actually. Stuff about my dad.”

“Awe I’m sorry Hun. Are you at school?”


“Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

I hung up and then went outside to wait. Just like he said, ten minutes later he was pulling up to the front of the school.

A little about Jason. He’s my Youth Pastor at church. He’s about six feet tall, dark hair, brown eyes and quite fit. I always bug him about his “protective layering” over his abs. He has a great sense of humor and a huge heart. I’ve known him since I was eight years old, when my parents got a divorce. He’s been like an older brother to me. His family was like my family. His dad called me “the daughter he never got” because they have three boys. Never once has Jay judged me. I’ve had many people come and go in my life, but he’s been one of the constants. I can always count on him to be there for me, whether I need some encouraging words or a hug or whatever. He’s the kind of guy who can make me laugh when I don’t even want to smile. It’s quite annoying sometimes! But honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without him. He was there when Olivia died, arms open. He was the first person I told when Eric died. He was there when I found out Zachary had died. He’s always so willing to do anything for me and it’s such a great comfort knowing that.

“Hey thanks for coming,” I said, as I got into the car.

“No problem,” he said, starting the car. “Where should we go?”

“Doesn’t matter to me.”

We ended up going to a little café in Comox and then went to the marina. We talked about different things like school and youth group. We didn’t talk about my dad until we were sitting down.

“So, tell me what happened.”

I was crying before I could finish. I didn’t just tell him about English class, I told him about everything that had been going on lately. Things like drama with family and friends, struggling in some of my classes, fighting with myself and missing my dad but hating him at the same time. I was holding it all in and it was building up inside to the point where I felt like I was going to explode. When I was done, before he said anything, Jason stood up, pulled me to my feet and gave me a huge hug. Which, of course, made me cry more, but it helped. After a few minutes, we sat back down.

“There isn’t a lot I can say,” he said. “Except you need to trust in God and know that He has a plan and there are good reasons why all these things have happened to you. You’re still young and you’re going to face more trials throughout your life, but you will get through it all. And I will be right beside you, lending you my hand. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve watched you grow for years and I am so proud of you. You have such strength and faith and I love being part of your life.” He put his arm around me and smiled. And at that moment, as we sat there, I felt this sense of comfort. I believed Jay and knew that everything was going to be okay.

Since that day, things have happened to me that have rocked my life, in good ways and bad ways. I’ve lost a friend to cancer. I’ve lost a friend to a drug overdose. I’ve lost a friend to a car accident. We had to put my dog down. I’ve continued to miss my dad. I’ve fought with my friends. I’ve fought with my family. I’ve struggled with my faith and my self-confidence. But I’ve also made new friends. I’ve had so many great times with my family. I’ve gotten new family members. I created an organization to raise money for cancer research and have already raised over $1300. I went to Mexico over spring break on a Missions Trip, got my passport stolen, got a sunburn, played with some kids, painted some stuff, and had a great time. I got through my high school years and am graduating in less than two weeks. And through it all, Jay has been there just like he said he would be. He has been my crutch through the hard times and danced with me in the good times. Before he was my youth pastor, he was a friend, a brother. And even now, he’s not just my mentor. He’s not just my youth pastor. He’s still my friend and he’s still my brother. I am so lucky to have someone like him in my life. He’s been there for me when I wanted to completely give up. Sometimes I just think of him as another person in my life. But he’s more than that. He saved my life. He’s my angel without wings.

"You were the one who made things different; you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on; above all, you were my friend."
- Tom Petty

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I Remember When...

I remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground.
The worst thing you could get from a boy or girl was cooties.
Race issues were who could run the fastest.
War was only a card game.
The only things that hurt were skinned knees.
Drama was a type of play.
The only things that could be broken were your toys.
Wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut.
When you said wasted you were talking about time.
The only thing you smoked were the tires on your bike.
Life was so simple and carefree but the thing I remember the most was wanting to grow up.

I graduate in 10 days.
I don't know if I'm ready.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Half way to college!

So..I was awarded another bursary. $300 this time. With that, the $1000 one, the $250 one from grade nine and my Passport to Education, I have about half of my first year tuition paid. I'm pretty stoked on that!! And next Thursday I have my interview at the college for the program I want to be in...the Social Service Certificate.



Pretty excited for that..its coming so fast. I have my dress, my shoes and most of my accessories. It's going to be a fantastic day. I am praying so much that it's good weather, otherwise the whole thing will be in the Highland Gym and I'll only get four tickets. So pray for good weather!! If it's outside, there's no limit to who can come.

The Spring Concert is next week. It's also my final concert at Highland. It's gonna be amazing but sad at the same time. I may cry. But I'll try not to. All of the senior class is gonna chip in and the afternoon before the concert, I'm going to go and buy a couple bouquets of flowers for the teachers. Its going to be a great night. If you have the evening off, you should come! You won't be dissapointed. It's next Thursday at 7pm. But come a bit before to get a good seat.

Well that's all for now.
Later Gators!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I Miss You So Much It Hurts

Two of my best friend's uncle passed away on Tuesday. It's been really hard for them and their family.
It's also stirred up feelings in me. Not a day goes by when I don't think about Olivia, Eric, Zachary and Floyd. I miss them so much...I can't stop crying.

As most of you know, we got a puppy, Lexi. She's like a mini Floyd and every time I look at her I think of him. Every time I look at Sabre, I think of him. It's been almost a year.

Eric was going to be my grad date if I didn't get one. I wish so much that he was here and was still going to take me to grad. I miss his laughter...his voice.

This is my grad year, but it's Olivia and Zachary's grad year too. Olivia had so many plans for after grad, and it breaks my heart to think she won't be able to fulfill them. Grad at Highland won't be the same without Zachary there.

Everyday I wake up and wish that they were here with me. I would give anything just to see them all one more time. Just to hug them one more time. Just to tell them "I love you" one more time.
I love them all so much...the tears don't seem to wanna stop.
I know they're in a better place and I wouldn't take them out of paradise.

RIP <3

Monday, May 4, 2009

I Miss You Eric

Eric.... It's been a year and 5 months...I can't believe it's been that long. It's amazing how fast time can go. I still miss you every day. I just wish I could see you one more time...feel your hug one more time...hear your voice...just one more time. But I know you're in a good place now..and you're watching over all of us. I see your beautiful smile everywhere, and my heart skips when I see your picture. We only knew each other for a few months...but you were an amazing friend. You were there for me when I needed you. I still remember when we first met that day on the bus. I was upset about another friends passing and you sat down beside me and just put your arm around me. Then after about 5 minutes you said, "Hi. I'm Eric", with a huge smile. You made me laugh and it was then that I knew you would have an impact on my life. I remember you would sing to me in a horrible voice, but sometimes in a good one, and it made me smile and laugh. You would sing the most random ones like the Barney song...and ones you made up on the spot. "Oh Samyyy your hair is blonde. Your smile is bright. Ohhh Sammmyyyy". Then there was the time I was trying not to cry one day at school...and you took my arm and brought me to the stairs in between red and blue house..and you sang me my favourite song...."At Your Side" by The Corrs. I wish you could sing to me again. I miss you so much and I'll never stop thinking about you. ♥ ♥ ♥

At Your Side -- The Corrs

When the daylight's gone and you're on your own
And you need a friend just to be around
I will comfort you,
I will take your hand
And I'll pull you through,
I will understand
And you know that

I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry
I'll be at your side
If you feel like you're alone, and you've nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side

If life's standing still and your soul's confused
And you cannot find what road to choose
If you make mistakes (make mistakes)
You can't let me down (let me down)
I will still believe (still believe)
I will turn around
And you know that

I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry
I'll be at your side
If you feel like you're alone, and you've nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side
I'll be at your side
I'll be at your side

You know that
I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry
I'll be at your side
If you feel like you're alone, you've got somewhere to go,
'Cos I'm right there
I'll be at your side,
I'll be right there for you
I'll be right there for you, yeah
I'm right at your side

Saturday, May 2, 2009


Well I'm tired, but I'm making myself blog. I want to do some sort of update over the last few weeks.

So on April 15, we had our Grad Fashion Show. It was SOOOO much fun. I love getting dressed up, getting my hair and makeup done crazy and going out on a stage and dancing to a fun song. Its just so much friggen fun! My group did our routine to "Freeze Frame". It was amazing..there are pictures on facebook and I'll be getting a DVD of the full show soon, so if you wanna watch it, let me know!
After the show, it was the grad campout, which usually results in everyone getting drunk. So me and a group of friends decided to have our own campout and went to a friends house and slept in tents in the backyard. There was four of us in a 2 person was quite warm :P
Then the next morning we got up nice and early and went to the school to leave for our Jazz Trip to Kelowna. Sadly, me and Nick were a bit late so we had to run laps around the fun. I only have to run 8 though. The whole trip was a ton of fun, but it was sad cause it was the grade 12's LAST trip ever. Even on our itinerarys it said on the roomcheck on the last night "Final room check EVER for grade 12's". So us grade 12's planned a surprise..we got balloons when we were at the mall and filled my hotel room with them, then when the teachers came to do roomcheck, we threw the balloons and started singing "Heart and Soul". It was funny :P
It was sad to come home, but there were lots of good times for sure.
Can't think of much else exciting that's happened since then..oh..I didn't get Valedictorian. But thanks to those who prayed for me. I was pretty upset at first, but I'm fine now. The people who got it deserve it.
Well..thats all I can think of right now. If I remember more, I'll blog more :P


Today is the 6 month mark of Zachary's death...I miss him so much. I can't believe it's already been half a seems like just last week me and him were joking around. Grad isn't going to be the same without him. I never stop thinking about him...I'd do anything just to hug him one more time.