Sunday, July 4, 2010

Short But Bittersweet.

This isn't gonna be a long post. Just something I need to get off my chest.

God has really been challenging me lately. With pretty much everything in my life. He's been telling me to let go of some things and hold on tight to others. He's been telling me to take chances but also to sit back and wait. It's really hard sometimes. Most of the time I don't want to listen. I just wanna do what I wanna do. But in the end, like always, He knows what's best for me. I've just been struggling with really giving my all to Him...just surrendering and fully letting myself be in His control. It's really tough when He tells me I need to let go of something. Especially when that something is actually a someone. Whether its a boy, a friend, someone that hurt me, or someone that's passed. I've always had trouble letting go. I keep telling myself "what if..?" and that keeps me going. But it's like a drug. I tell myself this, and it's almost like a mantra. And then I feel fine. But that feeling only lasts so long and before I know it, I find myself repeating my "mantra" over and over again. What if he changes? What if he comes back? What if she didn't mean that? What if, what if, what if? It's really hard to not ask myself those questions. I sometimes ask other people too. And I almost always got the same answer. "Just have faith in God." I was honestly starting to get sick of hearing that. Couldn't someone give me a better answer? Something more clear as to what to do? But recently I realized that that was the answer I needed to hear. And maybe hearing it over and over again, was God's way of saying "get it in your stinkin head!" I really do need to just trust in God. If I'm supposed to be with that guy, then it'll happen. If my dad is supposed to sober up, it'll happen. If I'm supposed to stay friends with that girl, then guess what? It'll happen! I am definitely still struggling though. I still find myself asking the "what if" questions. And I honestly don't know if I'll ever stop. But what I do know is that I need to just have faith in God.

"Sometimes God says no because He's preparing you for a bigger Yes."

Don't know if any of that made sense.

No comments: