I feel like a broken record...

I keep saying over and over and OVER again that I'll get back on here and do some update posts and I WILL! Just not sure when :P I've just been so busy and it always slips my mind. I have about 10 minutes before I have to go to class, so I'll do a quick one right now and more later..hopefully.

So this morning was my Psychology midterm and it went alright, I think. I hope. I was really nervous going into it because even though I studied, nothing seemed to be sticking. But as I started the test, I remembered some things so I was alright. I think all in all, it went okay. I guess I'll have to wait and see the final result!

Now I'm heading to English to write an in-class essay analysis. I don't like analysing essays. Not fun. But it all depends on what the essay is about. I will hopefully be on later to blog again and will let you know how I did!

And until then...farewell my brothers and sisters and may your day bring you happiness and peace and all that good stuff! :)

It's been too long

Now, my title to this post has two meanings.
One is..it's been too long since I last blogged! And I plan on doing something about that. Seeing as I have to work in an hour, I can't do a lot yet. So I will get back on and give you some big updates as soon as possible. I promise!

The second meaning to this title, is it's been too long since I last saw Olivia. Today is the two year mark. I wrote a little letter to her, and I want to post it here.

Olivia Erica Johnson, Livvy-Jivvy, Flash Star, O.J.,

Wow...how did two years go by so fast, yet so slow?
I think about you everyday Olivia. I dream about you every night.
I just wish there was some way to see you again. To hug you one more time. To hear your laugh, even for just a moment.
I still see your smile everywhere I go.
I'm excited but nervous about this year and Guardian Angel. Please watch over us as we walk. Guide us through this year and on our journey to find a cure.
There's so much that has happened since you left. I wish we could get together and talk.
I miss talking to you.
I miss your smile.
I miss your laugh.
I miss your voice.
I miss your strength.
I miss you.
I wish I could bring you back. But I would never want you to be in pain again. You're so much better where you are. God is taking care of you.
I woke up last night at 4:37am. That's the same time I woke up exactly two years ago. I woke up both times unable to breath and felt sick. Then I felt as if someone laid their hand on my shoulder and I swear I heard your whisper.

In the words of Miley Cyrus (whom I know you love so much ;P)
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in awhile
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you.

And in the words of Sam Middleton,
Your smile is in my eyes
Your laughter in my ears
Where you used to be
There is a hole
And I may not see you
But I know you're here
Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle
I dropped a tear in the ocean
When I find it again,
I'll stop missing you
If only I could go back
Back to that day
I'd say so much more
I'd give you one last hug
If only I had known
I try to let go
But it's impossible
I can't forget
But I'd never want to
Please be with me
Until my time because
We only part to meet again

Frick I miss you babe <3



Rest In Peace Olivia Erica Johnson
~November 20, 1991 - September 20, 2007~

For Jason

In English, I had to write a composition on someone who has helped me in my life. I wrote mine about Jason. Not sure if he remembers this day though..I didn't until I had to write this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Write about an event that changed your life. As I was sitting in English 10, reading that question, my parents’ divorce popped into my head. I turned to my friend Alyssa and told her. We talked a bit about it and then I started writing. But before I could even finish one sentence, I heard some of the other girls talking.

“I’m so happy my parents are still together.”

“Yeah mine are too. We’re lucky. I wouldn’t be able to live without both my parents.”

“Mhm. And if my dad was an alcoholic? I would be so embarrassed.”

I could feel my eyes begin to burn as the tears started coming.

“Sam, are you okay?” said Alyssa. She was looking at me as she put her hand on my shoulder.

“Yeah…I’m fine. I’ll be alright.” I lied, voice cracking. I couldn’t take it anymore and I left the class. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. I went down the stairs and outside. Thankfully it was a nice day. I sat down for a bit, trying to compose myself. Those girls’ words kept playing over and over again in my head. I wanted to talk to someone, but didn’t know who. Then Jason came to mind. I went back inside and called him. He answered right away.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” I said. “It’s Sam.”

“Oh hey! How’s it going?”

“Not too good actually. Stuff about my dad.”

“Awe I’m sorry Hun. Are you at school?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

I hung up and then went outside to wait. Just like he said, ten minutes later he was pulling up to the front of the school.

A little about Jason. He’s my Youth Pastor at church. He’s about six feet tall, dark hair, brown eyes and quite fit. I always bug him about his “protective layering” over his abs. He has a great sense of humor and a huge heart. I’ve known him since I was eight years old, when my parents got a divorce. He’s been like an older brother to me. His family was like my family. His dad called me “the daughter he never got” because they have three boys. Never once has Jay judged me. I’ve had many people come and go in my life, but he’s been one of the constants. I can always count on him to be there for me, whether I need some encouraging words or a hug or whatever. He’s the kind of guy who can make me laugh when I don’t even want to smile. It’s quite annoying sometimes! But honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without him. He was there when Olivia died, arms open. He was the first person I told when Eric died. He was there when I found out Zachary had died. He’s always so willing to do anything for me and it’s such a great comfort knowing that.

“Hey thanks for coming,” I said, as I got into the car.

“No problem,” he said, starting the car. “Where should we go?”

“Doesn’t matter to me.”

We ended up going to a little café in Comox and then went to the marina. We talked about different things like school and youth group. We didn’t talk about my dad until we were sitting down.

“So, tell me what happened.”

I was crying before I could finish. I didn’t just tell him about English class, I told him about everything that had been going on lately. Things like drama with family and friends, struggling in some of my classes, fighting with myself and missing my dad but hating him at the same time. I was holding it all in and it was building up inside to the point where I felt like I was going to explode. When I was done, before he said anything, Jason stood up, pulled me to my feet and gave me a huge hug. Which, of course, made me cry more, but it helped. After a few minutes, we sat back down.

“There isn’t a lot I can say,” he said. “Except you need to trust in God and know that He has a plan and there are good reasons why all these things have happened to you. You’re still young and you’re going to face more trials throughout your life, but you will get through it all. And I will be right beside you, lending you my hand. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve watched you grow for years and I am so proud of you. You have such strength and faith and I love being part of your life.” He put his arm around me and smiled. And at that moment, as we sat there, I felt this sense of comfort. I believed Jay and knew that everything was going to be okay.

Since that day, things have happened to me that have rocked my life, in good ways and bad ways. I’ve lost a friend to cancer. I’ve lost a friend to a drug overdose. I’ve lost a friend to a car accident. We had to put my dog down. I’ve continued to miss my dad. I’ve fought with my friends. I’ve fought with my family. I’ve struggled with my faith and my self-confidence. But I’ve also made new friends. I’ve had so many great times with my family. I’ve gotten new family members. I created an organization to raise money for cancer research and have already raised over $1300. I went to Mexico over spring break on a Missions Trip, got my passport stolen, got a sunburn, played with some kids, painted some stuff, and had a great time. I got through my high school years and am graduating in less than two weeks. And through it all, Jay has been there just like he said he would be. He has been my crutch through the hard times and danced with me in the good times. Before he was my youth pastor, he was a friend, a brother. And even now, he’s not just my mentor. He’s not just my youth pastor. He’s still my friend and he’s still my brother. I am so lucky to have someone like him in my life. He’s been there for me when I wanted to completely give up. Sometimes I just think of him as another person in my life. But he’s more than that. He saved my life. He’s my angel without wings.

"You were the one who made things different; you were the one who took me in. You were the one thing I could count on; above all, you were my friend."
- Tom Petty