I Miss You So Much It Hurts

Two of my best friend's uncle passed away on Tuesday. It's been really hard for them and their family.
It's also stirred up feelings in me. Not a day goes by when I don't think about Olivia, Eric, Zachary and Floyd. I miss them so much...I can't stop crying.

As most of you know, we got a puppy, Lexi. She's like a mini Floyd and every time I look at her I think of him. Every time I look at Sabre, I think of him. It's been almost a year.

Eric was going to be my grad date if I didn't get one. I wish so much that he was here and was still going to take me to grad. I miss his laughter...his voice.

This is my grad year, but it's Olivia and Zachary's grad year too. Olivia had so many plans for after grad, and it breaks my heart to think she won't be able to fulfill them. Grad at Highland won't be the same without Zachary there.

Everyday I wake up and wish that they were here with me. I would give anything just to see them all one more time. Just to hug them one more time. Just to tell them "I love you" one more time.
I love them all so much...the tears don't seem to wanna stop.
I know they're in a better place and I wouldn't take them out of paradise.

RIP <3

I Miss You Eric

Eric.... It's been a year and 5 months...I can't believe it's been that long. It's amazing how fast time can go. I still miss you every day. I just wish I could see you one more time...feel your hug one more time...hear your voice...just one more time. But I know you're in a good place now..and you're watching over all of us. I see your beautiful smile everywhere, and my heart skips when I see your picture. We only knew each other for a few months...but you were an amazing friend. You were there for me when I needed you. I still remember when we first met that day on the bus. I was upset about another friends passing and you sat down beside me and just put your arm around me. Then after about 5 minutes you said, "Hi. I'm Eric", with a huge smile. You made me laugh and it was then that I knew you would have an impact on my life. I remember you would sing to me in a horrible voice, but sometimes in a good one, and it made me smile and laugh. You would sing the most random ones like the Barney song...and ones you made up on the spot. "Oh Samyyy your hair is blonde. Your smile is bright. Ohhh Sammmyyyy". Then there was the time I was trying not to cry one day at school...and you took my arm and brought me to the stairs in between red and blue house..and you sang me my favourite song...."At Your Side" by The Corrs. I wish you could sing to me again. I miss you so much and I'll never stop thinking about you. ♥ ♥ ♥





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At Your Side -- The Corrs


When the daylight's gone and you're on your own
And you need a friend just to be around
I will comfort you,
I will take your hand
And I'll pull you through,
I will understand
And you know that



I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry
I'll be at your side
If you feel like you're alone, and you've nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side



If life's standing still and your soul's confused
And you cannot find what road to choose
If you make mistakes (make mistakes)
You can't let me down (let me down)
I will still believe (still believe)
I will turn around
And you know that



I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry
I'll be at your side
If you feel like you're alone, and you've nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side
I'll be at your side
I'll be at your side



You know that
I'll be at your side, there's no need to worry
Together we'll survive through the haste and hurry
I'll be at your side
If you feel like you're alone, you've got somewhere to go,
'Cos I'm right there
I'll be at your side,
I'll be right there for you
I'll be right there for you, yeah
I'm right at your side

Update..kinda

Well I'm tired, but I'm making myself blog. I want to do some sort of update over the last few weeks.

So on April 15, we had our Grad Fashion Show. It was SOOOO much fun. I love getting dressed up, getting my hair and makeup done crazy and going out on a stage and dancing to a fun song. Its just so much friggen fun! My group did our routine to "Freeze Frame". It was amazing..there are pictures on facebook and I'll be getting a DVD of the full show soon, so if you wanna watch it, let me know!
After the show, it was the grad campout, which usually results in everyone getting drunk. So me and a group of friends decided to have our own campout and went to a friends house and slept in tents in the backyard. There was four of us in a 2 person tent..it was quite warm :P
Then the next morning we got up nice and early and went to the school to leave for our Jazz Trip to Kelowna. Sadly, me and Nick were a bit late so we had to run laps around the bus..fun fun. I only have to run 8 though. The whole trip was a ton of fun, but it was sad cause it was the grade 12's LAST trip ever. Even on our itinerarys it said on the roomcheck on the last night "Final room check EVER for grade 12's". So us grade 12's planned a surprise..we got balloons when we were at the mall and filled my hotel room with them, then when the teachers came to do roomcheck, we threw the balloons and started singing "Heart and Soul". It was funny :P
It was sad to come home, but there were lots of good times for sure.
Can't think of much else exciting that's happened since then..oh..I didn't get Valedictorian. But thanks to those who prayed for me. I was pretty upset at first, but I'm fine now. The people who got it deserve it.
Well..thats all I can think of right now. If I remember more, I'll blog more :P

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Today is the 6 month mark of Zachary's death...I miss him so much. I can't believe it's already been half a year..it seems like just last week me and him were joking around. Grad isn't going to be the same without him. I never stop thinking about him...I'd do anything just to hug him one more time.